DEALING WITH BETRAYAL
Having someone you love and someone you think loves you betray your trust is a difficult emotional challenge to overcome. Being betrayed by best friends and family has been one my greatest challenges to transcend. Because of my first hand knowledge of the agonizing pain that duplicity breeds, I wanted to create five simple tools that will help release the pain of betrayal.
After the betrayal I struggled to comprehend the negative actions of my betrayers. I couldn’t seem to let go of the anguish they had caused me. I knew I needed to develop a game plan to help me to release and forgive. I know that when anyone betrays you they are actually betraying themselves, but that knowledge didn’t keep me from spending many a sleepless night toiling over the grief. In order for me to heal I needed to find the gift in their act of deception. There is always a GIFT hidden within the challenge. To heal, you have to devout time, thought and energy to find it.
The gift in any painful scenario is in uncovering the emotional knowledge you have gained from that pain. The gift is usually wrapped in intense heartache and suffering so it’s hard to imagine that someone breaking your heart is a gift but with the right perspective it can be. Our souls come to this Earth plane for one reason only and that reason is emotional knowledge. We gain emotional knowledge from the challenges in our lives. No one has ever grown spiritually from experiencing joy; only in adversity does our spirit grow. Take a minute to think about how great you have felt anytime you’ve overcome an emotional obstacle in your life. Prevailing the negative situation made you feel good about yourself. The obstacles or painful scenarios force us to learn and hopefully change our lives and that’s why they are gifts.
If you choose to ignore the opportunity, then that opportunity will continue to manifest itself until you look at it. The purpose behind every ostensibly negative event in our lives is to show us the need for spiritual awareness surrounding that event. It doesn’t matter whether that negativity is from losing a job, losing a loved one or losing trust in a loved one, there is always an opportunity for spiritual growth. If you choose to pay attention and look for the gift being presented, then that painful scenario will no longer present itself. Once you heal an unresolved emotion there will be no need for any more chaos related to that emotion. For example, if your father was cruel to you, you will more than likely manifest relationships with men that are cruel. If your mother was an alcoholic, you will probably manifest a partner that’s an alcoholic. The divine purpose in manifesting that pain is so you can finally heal that pain. How do you heal that pain? Self-love.
Here are five simple tools you can use to heal the pain of the betrayal through self-awareness and self-love.
1. Express your feelings.
The first thing you have to do in order to heal is to express whatever emotions you are feeling. If you’re angry, pound a pillow, open your mouth wide and make a noise. AWWWW works for me. You need to release your anger but in a controlled manner. If you are heartbroken, then break down and cry your eyes out. When you can’t seem to cry anymore, watch a movie that makes you sad so you can cry more. It doesn’t matter what you are crying about as long as you are releasing your wounds.
2. Become the objective observer. Anytime someone betrays you, stop in that moment and objectively observe the scenario. Look at it through the eyes of a wiser, divine being because YOU are the wiser, divine being. Don’t be a victim. Take the emotion out of it and look at it logically. Say something like, “Well look at that, yet another person betrayed me. What am I trying to learn about myself ?”
3. Find the gift.
Find the big red bow in this situation. How is this betrayal a pattern? Has this type of emotional fortuity happened before? Does this action remind you of something your parents once did to you? What is your betrayer trying to show you about yourself? That’s what’s important. The gift is always an opportunity for self-love. You inhabit a physical body to grow spiritually you grow spiritually by releasing old wounds.
4. Loving-kindness.
After you have cried your heart out, take 5 to 10 minutes and hug yourself. As you do this, say the mantra, “I love me” a couple of hundred times or as many times as you can. The more time you spend on this step, the faster you will heal. The truth behind the pain of betrayal is we are really mad at ourselves, not at the person that did it. Let’s face it, you feel stupid for not seeing it coming. Feeling stupid creates self-loathing but forgiving yourself opens the door to loving-kindness.
5. Think about what makes you happy, not what makes you unhappy.
In order to heal the wound, you need to break the pattern. Every time your mind wanders to the painful scenario, and you start replaying the whole excruciating event, choose instead to think of something that makes you happy. You can think about your pets, a loving friend, a beautiful vacation, or anything that makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Don’t continue to obsess over the hurtful experience, instead obsess over healing it.
Use these tools repeatedly to heal the wounds of the betrayal. In order to resolve an unresolved emotion in the subconscious mind, it takes repetition. In order to release the old negative thoughts you will need to repeat the new positive thoughts more abundantly.
And lastly,
Know that whatever someone does to you is their karma, how you react is yours.
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